Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Illusion of Permanence

 Everyone knows that nothing in this world can go on forever. Whether it's dictators, family problems, or Anne Curtis's singing career, the point is that good or bad, everything will eventually run its course and dry up or fade out. It's a sad, sad reality of life, and yet, like death and heartbreaks, everyone seems to forget that at some point, you (assuming you're a normal human being, of course) will encounter it. This  is both reassuring and depressing , depending on which way you look at it. Personally, I choose to believe that I can at least manage to prepare myself for the foreseeable events that are sure to occur in my future. The unforeseeable is where things get tricky, and occasionally, horrifying.

I constantly pray to never have to see her on the cover of FHM. CONSTANTLY.

Given the volatile and increasingly unpredictable society we live in today, I bring you a few reminders to make sure that you never, ever have to be shocked when things you have been accustomed to go poof (!) and disappear.

1. When you see one of your old friends/acquaintances sporting a new and improved look, always consider it as "just a phase." (Even when it's really not, and deep inside you're actually jealous)

2. Be genuinely happy when one of your friends becomes successful (and don't forget to ask for balato while you're at it)

 3. Make an animal sacrifice whenever you survive (or was in the vicinity of) a potentially fatal accident. Chicken will do fine, but rats are also recommended. (Why, you ask? For the glory of Satan of course!)

4. Punch the wall when you lose a game of poker that you were so sure you were gonna win. In my case, it's usually at Monopoly Deal that I get this urge.

5. Persuade your friend nicely (or not, depending what kind of jerk you are) to delete that pic taken of you while you were completely wasted. It's a surprise you don't want anyone else to tell stories about 10 years from now.

Hey guys, remember that one time you got so drunk, you pissed like a horse in public? Good times.

6. On a serious note, never ever, put all of your hard-earned money in an unstable "business. " When things look to good to be true, they usually are. It's a real downer watching people cry because they just lost their life savings and friends to a deal gone bad. The moral is simple: don't be too greedy and always, always have multiple sources of income.

7. There's a reason tattoo artists advise patrons against getting their bf's/gf's name tattooed on their body. A very, very good reason that should be painfully obvious, but like cigarettes, that reason is often ignored. 

8. No matter how sleek and sexy your brand new gadget is, it will be turned into nothing more than scrap metal in about 5 years. 2, if you're one of those snotty Apple fanboys who can't resist the itch for attention.

9.  On the other end of the spectrum, have some dignity and throw away your hole-infested, bacon-ized pair of 5-year old underwear. 

10. We are very near that moment when Manny Pacquiao will no longer be kicking ass for our blood-frenzied entertainment. Brace yourselves, for when that time comes, we will have an over saturation of him everywhere. If it's bad now, just imagine what will happen in the near future, when we are on the receiving end of his attempts to prove he is an all around entertainer. (However, that's still miles better than to be on the receiving end of his fists)

11. Play with your pets. Remind them that you still care about them. They only live for so long. You have friends and gadgets, they only have you.

"You only remember me when your Xbox is broken"

12. Get drunk when you feel like it. You only live for so long. It adds great stories to an otherwise mundane existence. Be careful you don't wind up like the entry at #5 though. You have been warned.

13. When things don't go your way, take some time off. Assess what went wrong, learn from it and move one. Nothing is permanent, and that includes your self-pitying mood. For an instant boost of warm ,positive vibes, Google images of puppies. Always works for me.

14. Never spend too much for something you're gonna wear less than once a year. And put a little allowance on the size you're getting, cause chances are, you will get fatter with age. Just saying.

15. When you're having too much fun, never forget that there's always a price for it. Nothing wrong with living your life, but you just can't live irresponsibly forever. Know your limits, learn to say no if you think it's not a great idea.

These guys are the sole exception.

Well there you have it, a few stupid tips from yours truly. I'd put more, but I am feeling lazy as usual.


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