7 Things I'd Do In Case The World Ends Next Week

First off, let me just say this: No, I don't believe the world will end on the 21st of December. However, you all know how some people have taken recent occurrences to be a sign of the end times. You have the monsoon rains that flooded Manila once again, the recent assault of Typhoon Bopha (Pablo in local speak), and Manny Pacquiao just got KTFO. Truly, the weak-minded have every right to be scared.

The best example of all things coming to an end.

But you never know. There are scarier things out there in the grand scheme of the universe that are worse than the Mayan prediction of doom. In a blink of an eye, there are multiple ways our world can end without warning. So in case that might happen say in the next week or two, here's a checklist of things I'd do right now, before we all follow the fate of the dinosaurs.

The 10 Books I Want to Write One Day

They say you always remember your first. But in my case, I really can't remember the first book I've ever read. What I can say with utter confidence is which book(s) really got me into reading. A lot.

The nostalgia is just insane

Yes, it's the Goosebumps series that really got me hooked into reading. It opened up worlds in my mind and broadened my imagination far beyond what is expected of most 9 year olds. Before I was reading J.K. Rowling and Neil Gaiman, I was a hardcore R.L. Stein fan.  

Funny thing was, Goosebumps wasn't really scary. Not even a little. But it was entertaining and wildly imaginative, despite its cliches and occasional predictability.

My point is, every writer starts out by being a reader. As time passes and my mind grows, I've come to appreciate the literary arts more and more. And someday, I want to write a novel I can be proud of, even if it sells just 10 copies. 

5 Superpowers I Wish I Had (And the Stupid Things I'd do with them)

I just watched Chronicle last night, and it was great. For those who are unfamiliar with the movie, it's a great take on the real world consequences of having God-like superpowers. I won't spoil the details, but it can get very nasty when such power is granted upon normal people. Particularly when it's a messed up, socially awkward teenager.

It's a shame this movie didn't do nearly as well as the crapfest that is Green Lantern.

Now I'm not (usually) awkward, and it has been a few years since I've been a teen myself, but it got me thinking: what superpowers would I really want to have?  How would I use them? Would I be a hero? But most importantly, how long can I abuse these gifts before I either get jailed or killed by world governments?

The 6 Biggest What Ifs In My Life (So Far)

4 Years in CFAD, and this is what I managed to make.

Everyone has things they wish they did or didn't do. Or qualities we wish we had or didn't had. And though I don't like to dwell on the "what ifs" and "what could have beens", it still is fun to speculate. This activity is by no means productive or beneficial to anyone, but then again, it's undeniably fun, a bit shameful and completely self-serving (well that sounded a bit too close to jerking off).

Since this blog has been solely dedicated to my self-important opinions, I see no harm in adding yet another one. So for your (but ultimately, my) reading pleasure, here are the things that plague my head when I'm having trouble sleeping.

8 Stupid Things I Wish Women Would Stop Doing

Disclaimer: The qualities mentioned here were not written with the purpose to change, erode, malign, antagonize, burst or otherwise damage your perception of women in any way, shape, or form. Also, my sincerest apologies for those who will inevitably be offended, please know that it's not my intention, and that I don't really care what you think.

Thanks to Raxenne Maniquiz for the great as usual job on the art.

I'll start with an admission. Men are stupid. Not in the literal sense of the word, (although there are exceptions) but in the situations and choices that they choose to get themselves into. Oftentimes, it's brought about by our insane need to satisfy our basic urges, but mostly it's because it just seemed like a good idea at that time.

And that's how this hit show came to be.

But just like men, members of the female species are capable of making equally stupid decisions. Whether it's reading Twilight, buying enough clothes to dress a small African town or getting a tattoo where the sun doesn't shine, women are driven to these insane decisions by their need to feel special and loved. It comes in different ways and forms, but that's the general consensus, at least according to scientists.

Now I'm no scientist, but I do like to observe certain peculiarities in women because it simultaneously astounds and confounds me.

It’s Time To Quit! (Your Lousy Job)

Thanks once again to Raxenne Maniquiz

                Countless of movies (and cheesy life coaches) love to tell us that the difference between a winner and a loser is their resistance towards giving up. While that is somewhat true across all facets of life, there are some instances wherein not giving up is crazier than rolling around buck-ass naked in a burning pig sty. 

As most people in my generation have discovered, it’s easier to find a clean public toilet in Recto during booze-drinking hours than to land a great first job (or second, but who’s counting?). Simply put, there’s a reason why good jobs are so hard to find: everyone wants them. But the problem is, (according to LinkedIn) only 10% of jobs are advertised. The other 90%? Well let’s just say that’s where the saying of “It’s not just what you know, but who you know that matters” comes in.

The Generation of Exaggeration

Art by Raxenne Maniquiz

OH MY GOD. BEST PARTY EVEEER!!!

How many times have you seen something like this in your newsfeed? The easy answer is a lot, if you're at or near my age. We are living in the rapidly evolving information age, and boy, have our lives changed tremendously over the last 5 years.

I still remember the days when you DIDN'T HAVE to tell the world what you had for breakfast. Now, I can't go online without seeing someone telling the world how hard his last bout with diarrhea was. "The last time I saw that much blood and guts in a toilet was during my best friend's triplet abortion at a piggery. Not only did we get the service at a discount, there was also free lechon!"  

Okay, maybe not that drastic, but like the title said, this is the generation of exaggeration, and I am no exception.

  

It's amazing how fast technology has moved, and it seems like we are still struggling to catch up. It's just so easy to put yourself out there in the digital world, and the deceptive harmlessness of doing so encourages some of the most stupidly pointless behavior seen in mankind.

Calamity! The 6 Observations I got from Habagat’s Unholy Rage

We all try to make sense of the craziness that surrounds us every day.  Be it the mind numbingly dumb soap operas on local TV, the illogical lapses in logic of the people you hate, or the cold, unrelenting onslaught brought about the recent floods, we all scratch our heads, thinking aloud on why such things happen in the first place. And yet the one answer we all seemingly default to is so simple: it is what it is. 

Our society loves to idealize every single facet of life.  While we’re all caught up trying to live our lives the way happy, feel good movies usually depict, we usually have no idea (or very little) on what to do once the shit hits the fan. And that my friends, is when reality is poised and all-too-ready to stick a big, hard, throbbing one up our rears.  

Prepare to be screwed over by life. All 12 inches of it.

Walang Katapusang Ka-Machohan (Na Hindi Ko Maintindihan)

Sa ka-una unahang pagkakataon, magsusulat ako dito sa wikang Pilipino. Kung bakit, hindi ko din alam. Gaya ng mga maraming misteryo ng buhay, hindi ko din maipaliwanag kung bakit mas madali para sa akin magbasa at magsulat sa Ingles samantalang araw araw ay nagsasalita ako ng "Tagalog."

Pero tama na tungkol sa wikang ginagamit ko. Malamang lamang kung binabasa mo to nagtataka ka kung bakit yan ang napili kong titulo sa akda na ito. Hmmm. Saan ba tayo magsisimula? Saan pa, eh di sa akin. (Blog ko to eh.)

Bilang lalaking Pilipino may inaasahan na mga katangian sa yo. Depende sa pagkatao mo, malamang iba iba yun, pero malaki ang tiyansa na isa dito ay tumutukoy sa iyo:

Mahilig ka sa tsiks

Matakaw ka

It's Simply The End (Of Many Things)

What a difference a year makes. I've realized in this short period of time that there's truly nothing, and I mean nothing, that compares to being out in the urban jungle, earning your keep. I've grown up more than I care to admit during these last few months, and with my rapidly maturing mind, I've begun to see things clearer and clearer, which leads me to a few hypotheses of why this world, (or at the very least, Philippine society) is so messed up.

So here now are a few observations from my admittedly limited glimpse into the big picture that is life.

All of them, like the title suggests, constitutes the end of something you once thought you knew:

- You will be constantly surrounded by idiots

When you're in school (especially in a private institution), the people around you are more or less from the same socio-economic class. That means, you are often in the company of people with similar tastes, interests, hobbies, sense of humor, fashion sense, etc. 

The Illusion of Permanence

 Everyone knows that nothing in this world can go on forever. Whether it's dictators, family problems, or Anne Curtis's singing career, the point is that good or bad, everything will eventually run its course and dry up or fade out. It's a sad, sad reality of life, and yet, like death and heartbreaks, everyone seems to forget that at some point, you (assuming you're a normal human being, of course) will encounter it. This  is both reassuring and depressing , depending on which way you look at it. Personally, I choose to believe that I can at least manage to prepare myself for the foreseeable events that are sure to occur in my future. The unforeseeable is where things get tricky, and occasionally, horrifying.

I constantly pray to never have to see her on the cover of FHM. CONSTANTLY.

Given the volatile and increasingly unpredictable society we live in today, I bring you a few reminders to make sure that you never, ever have to be shocked when things you have been accustomed to go poof (!) and disappear.

The Week After (Post-Holidaze)

After 3 ridiculous months, the Christmas season has finally (depends on who you ask) ended. Thankfully, that means no more difficulty navigating through malls like they're places where a new Guinness World Record is being conducted. No more annoyingly positive and mind-numbingly cheesy Christmas songs and movies. And finally, no more Christmas gift expectations from relatives you see like once a year. (Yeah, I'm a cheapskate)

But before you take me for some kind of Grinch, let me make it clear that I do love the holidays. After all, it also means cheerful re-unions, glorious food everywhere and most importantly, more cash comes into my wallet. It's the BS that comes with the season that I dislike. It's not fun staying in the FX line for 20 minutes on my way home. I can give more examples, but I don't want to whine here. Like all things in the Philippines, this is just one of the things we have to deal with. This is after all, a country ripe with contradictions. So on a scale of things that I love and hate simultaneously, the Christmas season would be between Manny Pacquiao (and his showbiz career) and cheap booze.

Looks expensive, but it definitely doesn't taste like it. Still a great buy, though.